Headlines
In the Frimley Gazette today.
UNPROVOKED ATTACK ON AN INNOCENT OLD AGED PENSIONER BY A VICIOUS NASTY BLOOD SUCKING VIOLENT PSYCHO CAT.
I rarely take pen to paw;
But I read the article
In the Frimley Gazette yesterday
And I am outraged.
This is just fake cat news.
I live in a leafy suburb
In Surrey
With my two claw-some humans.
Life is very good.
I have my own two cat flaps,
A well-established routine,
As much food and love as I want.
I have 5 food bowls.
My top human slave
Who is getting on in life
Brushes me twice a day,
Opens the doors for me.
I do hate using
That hole in the wall
With this annoying swinging cover!
She always whispers
Sweet little things in my ear.
Unfortunately it is mainly in French
And I do not like it.
I am a Brexit cat
And I want my garden back.
Fur real,
I am very very very spoilt.
OK! I admit it.
I can be a terrible grump,
Especially when I see
The packed suitcases in the bedroom.
I always try to stay pawsitive
But I know
They are leaving me
To go on holiday.
A much younger human,
The daughter from Egham
Would move in.
Do I like the change of routine?
No.
I show my discontent and disdain
By spraying on the furniture.
I peed once in my human’s school bag!
The chaos it created was purr-iceless!
Yes, I am a spoilt rotten feline,
But I object to be called
A blood sucking, violent psycho cat.
The scar I inflicted did not draw blood.
My old aged pensioner
And automatic door opener
Is still alive.
It is all her fault.
Unprovoked attack!
Don’t make me meow!
She incited me
By stroking me gently
When I did not want to be stroked.
She will get over it
In a few days.
Meow you!
I think she might be sulking
For a longer time.
Nothing wrong
With my cattitude!
I am a loving caring feline!